Men do not often dare to share their innermost feelings with loved ones. Our hero wrote a sincere letter of gratitude to his wife, who made him a father, and posted it in the public domain.
“I remember that day as in a fog, we didn’t understand what was happening. The birth began two weeks ahead of schedule, on New Year’s Eve, when we tried to celebrate the last holiday without children. I will be eternally grateful to the nurse who received us and allowed me to take a nap.
You were amazing that day. You’ve been like this for nine months. I remember how we found out that we were expecting a baby — it was on the eve of Mother’s Day. Four days later we rented an apartment in Cabo San Lucas. We were naive and optimistic.
We had no idea what it meant to be parents
Since we met, I’ve run a marathon twice. I cycled twice from Seattle to Portland and once from Seattle to the Canadian border. I competed in the Escape from Alcatraz triathlon five times, swam across Lake Washington twice. I was trying to climb the Mount Rainier stratovolcano. I even did one of the mud obstacle races to prove how tough I am.
But you created a new life. What you have done in these nine months is awe inspiring. Against this background, all my medals, ribbons and certificates look worthless and fake. You gave me a daughter. Now she is 13. You created her, you create her every day. She is priceless. But on that day, you created something else. You made me a father.
I had a difficult relationship with my father. When he was not around, he was replaced by other men. But none of them taught me how to be a father the way you did. I am grateful to you for what kind of father you turn me into. Your mercy, kindness, courage, as well as your anger, fear, despair taught me to take responsibility for my daughter.
We now have two daughters. The second was born on Halloween. Both of our daughters are priceless creatures. They are smart, strong, sensitive, wild and beautiful. Just like their mother. They dance, swim, play and dream with full dedication. Just like their mother. They are creative. Just like their mother.
The three of you created me as a father. I don’t have enough words to express my gratitude. Writing about our family is the greatest privilege of my life. Our girls will grow up very soon. They will sit on the therapist’s couch and tell him about their parents. What will they say? I hope that’s it.
“My parents took care of each other, they were best friends. If they argued, then openly and honestly. They acted consciously. They made mistakes, but they knew how to apologize to each other and to us. They were a team. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t get between them.
Father adored mother and us. We never doubted that he was in love with his mother and attached to us with all his heart. My mother respected my father. She allowed him to lead the family and speak on her behalf. But if dad behaved like a fool, she told him about it. She was on an equal footing with him. The family meant a lot to them. They cared about our future families, about what we will grow up to be. They wanted us to become physically, emotionally and spiritually independent. I think they did it so that they could rest easy when we left the house.
Our parents, like all parents, brought us a lot of pain.
They are imperfect, just like me. But they loved me and taught me to set boundaries. I will always find something to reproach them with. But I know they were good parents. And they were definitely good partners.”
You are the mother who created me as a father. I want you to know that you are right for me. I know you’re not perfect, I’m not perfect either. But I am immensely grateful that I can share life with you.
We will be together even when our girls leave the house. I look forward to when they grow up. We will travel with them. We will become part of their future families.
I adore you. I am in awe of you. I love to argue with you and put up with you. You are my best friend. I will protect our friendship and our love from all sides. You made me a husband and father. I accept both roles. But the creator is you. I’m grateful that I can create with you.»
About the Author: Zach Brittle is a family therapist.