Family life is not always like a holiday. Spouses face various trials. Surviving them and staying together is not an easy task. Journalist Lindsey Detweiler shares her personal secret to a long marriage.
I remember standing in front of the altar in a white lace dress and imagining a wonderful future. As we recited our vows in front of relatives and friends, thousands of happy pictures flashed through our heads. In my dreams, we took romantic walks along the coast and gave each other tender kisses. At the age of 23, I thought that marriage was pure happiness and pleasure.
Five years have gone by quickly. Dreams of an ideal relationship dissipated. When we fight and yell at each other over an overflowing trash can or unpaid bills, we forget the promises we made at the altar. Marriage is not just a bright moment of happiness captured in a wedding photo. Like other couples, we have learned that marriage is never perfect. Marriage is not easy and often not fun.
So what keeps us holding hands as we walk through life’s journey?
The ability to laugh together and not take life too seriously keeps a marriage going.
Some will say that this is true love. Others will answer: this is fate, we are meant for each other. Still others will insist that it is a matter of perseverance and perseverance. In books and magazines, you can find a lot of advice on how to make a marriage better. I’m not sure any of them are XNUMX% working.
I thought a lot about our relationship. I realized that there is one important factor that affects the success of our marriage. It helps keep us connected, even when the going gets tough. That factor is laughter.
My husband and I are different. I’m used to planning everything and following the rules diligently. He is a rebel, thinks freely and acts according to his mood. He is an extrovert and I am more of an introvert. He spends money and I save. We have different opinions on almost every issue, from education to religion to politics. Differences make our relationship never boring. However, we have to make concessions and sometimes resolve difficult conflicts.
The element that unites us is a sense of humor. From day one, we’ve been laughing all the time. We find the same jokes funny. On the day of the wedding, when the cake fell apart and the electricity went out, we did what we could — we started laughing.
Someone will say that a sense of humor does not guarantee happiness in marriage. I don’t agree with this. I believe that the ability to laugh together and not take life too seriously keeps a marriage going.
Even on the worst days, the ability to laugh helped us move on. For a moment, we forgot about bad events and noticed the bright side, and this made us closer. We overcame insurmountable obstacles by changing our attitude and making each other smile.
We have changed, but we still believe in promises of eternal love, vows and a shared sense of humor.
During quarrels, humor often relieves tension. This helps to discard negative emotions and move to the core of the problem, to find a common language.
Laughing with a partner seems like it could be easier. However, this implies a deep level of relationship. I catch his eye from the other side of the room and I know we’re going to laugh about this later. Our jokes are proof of how well we know each other. We are united not just by the ability to joke, but by the ability to understand each other at a fundamental level.
In order for a marriage to be happy, it is not enough just to marry a cheerful guy. Exchanging things with someone does not mean finding a soul mate. And yet, on the basis of humor, deep intimacy can be built.
Our marriage is far from perfect. We often swear, but the strength of our relationship is in humor. The main secret of our 17-year marriage is to laugh as often as possible.
We are not like the people who once stood at the altar and swore eternal love. We have changed. We learned How long effort it takes to stay together throughout life’s trials.
But despite this, we still believe in promises of eternal love, vows and a common sense of humor.