Raising teenagers is not easy. In response to remarks, they roll their eyes, slam the door, or be rude. Journalist Bill Murphy explains that it’s important to remind children of their expectations despite their harsh reactions.
This story will exonerate parents all over the world, but my daughter will someday be willing to «kill» me for her.
In 2015, Doctor of Economics Erica Rascon-Ramirez presented the results of the study at a conference of the Royal Economic Society. A team of scientists from the University of Essex took 15 British girls aged 13-14 under observation and tracked their lives for a decade.
The researchers concluded that parents’ high expectations of their teenage daughters are one of the main factors in their future success in adulthood. Girls whose mothers constantly reminded them of their high expectations were less likely to fall into life traps that threatened their future success.
In particular, these girls:
- less likely to become pregnant during adolescence
- more likely to go to college
- are less likely to get stuck in unpromising, low-paying jobs
- are less likely to be out of work for a long time
Of course, avoiding early problems and traps is not a guarantee of a carefree future. However, such girls have more opportunities to succeed later. With that, dear parents, your duty is done. Further, the success of children depends more on their own desires and diligence than on your qualities.
Rolling their eyes? So it works
Wow conclusions — some readers may answer. Have you yourself tried to find fault with your 13-year-old daughter? Both boys and girls roll their eyes, slam doors, and withdraw into themselves.
I’m sure it’s not much fun. My daughter is only a year old, so I haven’t had a chance to experience this pleasure for myself yet. But parents can be comforted by the idea, backed by scientists, that while it looks like you’re talking to a wall, your advice is actually working.
No matter how hard we try to avoid parental advice, it still influences our decisions.
“In many cases, we manage to do what we want, even if it is against the will of the parents,” writes study author Dr. Rascon-Ramirez. “But no matter how hard we try to avoid parental advice, it still influences our decisions.”
In other words, if a teenage daughter rolls her eyes and says, “Mom, you are tired,” what she really means is, “Thanks for the helpful advice. I’ll try to behave properly.»
The cumulative effect of parenting
Different high expectations mutually reinforce each other. If you force two thoughts on your daughter at once — she should go to college and should not get pregnant in her teens — she is more likely not to become a mother by the age of 20 than a girl who was broadcast only one message: you should not become pregnant until you become mature enough.
Journalist Meredith Bland commented on this: “Of course, healthy self-esteem and awareness of one’s capabilities is wonderful. But if the daughter protects herself from early pregnancy simply because she does not want to listen to our grumbling, that’s fine too. Motives don’t matter. The main thing is that this does not happen.”
I don’t know about you, but even I, a forty-year-old man, sometimes hear the warning voices of my parents or grandparents in my head when I go where I shouldn’t. My grandfather passed away almost thirty years ago, but if I overindulge in dessert, I hear him grumbling.
Assuming the study holds true for boys as well—there is no reason to believe otherwise—for my success, at least in part, I have my parents and their high expectations to thank. So mom and dad, thanks for the nitpicking. And my daughter — believe me, it will be more difficult for me than for you.
About the author: Bill Murphy is a journalist. The opinion of the author may not coincide with the opinion of the editors.